Things You Don't Want to Be Stoned For

By MK Thomson

January 10 2024

Anyone who has tried marijuana knows that it can intensify our senses and awareness. This is great if you want to soul-seek, meditate, or expand your mind. It’s not so good if you’re participating in something that is innately intense or scary! And beyond intense things, some very important things probably shouldn’t be done while partaking in the ganja. In a future post, we’ll dive into some movies that we recommend you don’t watch stoned, but for now here are some things we highly (no pun intended, haha) recommend not doing while under the influence of marijuana.

two friends enjoying a marijuana joint

The obvious

It should be pretty self-explanatory but some things just shouldn’t be done while high or even drinking for that matter. Actually, things you avoid while being tipsy or drunk are a good starting point for things to avoid while high or stoned.

Anything involving children should not be done while high. Firing up before babysitting is a terrible idea and don’t even think about driving high (at all but particularly) with kids in the vehicle. Even playing with kids while you’re high isn’t a good idea. Anything can happen and if something does you will want – and will need – to have a very clear mind. And you don’t want to suddenly freak out because something just happened and you realize you’re with kids and you’re high. Just don’t do it.

Don’t drive or operate heavy or dangerous machinery while high. This should be pretty given as well, but don’t drive your car while high. First, it’s illegal in every state, and second, no matter how much you think you can drive while high your reaction time will be effective. Just play it safe on this one.

Don’t talk with anyone of authority or family members who don’t know you partake, or judgy friends. No matter how cool you think you can be, talking with folks like police officers, civic administrators, teachers or professors, and such will – in all likelihood – not turn out well. They will probably know you’re acting funny and even if you are pretty cool, your blood-shot eyes will likely give you away.

stoned man

Speaking from experience: I used to get pretty baked when I worked at a certain cable company, in a job that I absolutely despised. Being a long-time marijuana user, I thought I was pretty adapted to situations with people who aren’t high and could “get away with it”. One day I was talking with a co-worker and feeling super cool because I was really stoned and holding a normal conversation. Then my co-worker asked, “Your eyes are really glossy; are you feeling OK?” He was probably asking if I was sick, but suddenly I thought, “Oh sh**! He knows I’m stoned!” and a rush of “OMG” thoughts invaded my brain. I said I was fine and quickly found a way to end the conversation and walk back to my desk. Then on my walk, I went through more “OMG” thoughts like, “OMG, I left so quickly now he surely knows I’m stoned!” Take it from me, it’s not a good feeling – especially at work! Don’t talk to people who don’t know you smoke while high.

The not-so-obvious

Don’t cook while high. Knives, stoves, ovens, garbage disposals, open fire – yeah, do it. It’s just too risky, again no matter how manageable you think it is or how much you think you can handle the kitchen while high. If something does go wrong – and it can! – you’ll not be in the state of mind to handle it safely. Marijuana will intensify any situation, increasing the propensity of things to really go south. If you do want to cook or prepare something in the kitchen to serve or eat while you’re high, do so before you light up.

man putting out oven fire in the kitchen
You don’t want this to happen while you’re high!

Speaking from experience: Got super stoned with friends one night. Decided to fry something in a pan. Forgot the stove was on. Pan got waaaaay too hot. I tried to cool it off in the sink. The pan burst out a searing sizzle (which freaked me out), and steam and I think smoke plumed out from the sink. The fire alarm went off. Everyone freaked out. Yeah, don’t partake, and then get your culinary groove on. Just don’t, believe me.

Don’t make any decisions of any consequence while high. We might even go as far as saying don’t make any decision period while high. Your mind is likely in an overly euphoric state which will affect your judgment – even if for good intentions. Don’t sign documents or commit yourself to anything, even a year subscription to Netflix or The New York Times, while stoned. You’ll find yourself in hot water in some cases or some subscription you really don’t need and just lose money on. Wait to do things like that.

Being places where there are a lot of people drinking, especially crowded places. You know your favorite bar that’s packed with fun people getting their drink on? Avoid this place while you’re high! Drunk people tend to be quite annoying while you’re high, especially in crowded places like a bar or at a party. But even low-key get-togethers with friends – if they are drinking and no one is partaking in cannabis, you might not want to socialize while you’re high. The only exception to this might be at a concert or live music performance, but in all likelihood, most people there will probably be high themselves! Maybe even the musicians!

drunk people in a crowded bar
No bueno while you’re high.

Going grocery shopping while high is a very bad idea! You’ll wind up buying so much food and likely food that you don’t normally eat or that’s bad for you. Even if you have a fun stomach, being in a grocery store with the aisles and aisles of food choices will be too tempting for the stoned munchies gods that are lurking just below your willpower while you’re high. Even going to a restaurant while high can turn into a gorging feast. Best to have your meal selections pre-chosen before opening the menu and to avoid the supermarket altogether. And absolutely no all-you-can-eat buffets!

man gorging on food

Speaking from experience: Man, I have too many examples of this to mention here! Suffice it to say that I don’t even open my Uber Eats app while I’m partaking.

Be wise while you’re high

Being high is awesome and so much fun, just be sure to have the hours after you plan to get high planned out. This will help you avoid situations that can get really out of control if something happens. Be sure to have healthy snacks on hand and don’t even think about answering the phone if some calls – unless they are totally cool with you being stoned.

marijuana joint and bud

And if you are with people who know you smoke and are cool with it, don’t try to be funny. Believe me, you’re not as funny as you think you are when you’re high. You might even become the butt of their joke if you try to crack your non-smoking friends up! Again, I have way too many personal experiences of that that I’ll not go into (so embarrassing!).